Monster a Go-Go!: 31 Days of Horror
For all of October, we will review horror films. Submit your requests here, and you may see your picks selected!
Whoever requested this film is sick. I think this is all my fault, after all. I’ve gone on about how Monster a Go-Go! is arguably the absolute worst horror film of all time, and I think that claim has stuck with those close to me. Well, you know who you are, and here you go. There’s barely any more time I wish to waste over Monster a Go-Go!, which only Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans and the unfortunate know about. I’m part of the latter, mainly. Not even Herschell Gordon Lewis — known for his horror exploitation films — wanted to be credited for this pile of scum: Bill Rebane had to take on this legacy nightmare alone. Unfortunately for Lewis, the internet never forgets, and it knows all. Not only that, but Monster a Go-Go! is accessible for all to watch, since I don’t think anyone wants to take ownership of this trash, so it will remain online likely forever.
There’s a mind numbing story about an astronaut who wanted to win the space race, only to return to Earth possessed as a mutant, wanting to create chaos. Who knows, and who cares. The film chases after this guy and his nonsense, as well as a team of scientists wanting to stop this from getting out of hand. A lot of the progress of the film is never shown, likely because of budgetary reasons, so I can’t fault the film too heavily for that. However, proper budgeting and story crafting could have bypassed problems like this. Who wants to watch something with parts missing (unless these parts were lost after creation, and there’s just nothing we can do about it)? The parts we do see are fatally slow, to the point of making paint drying seem unfairly fast. You can actually hear your brain cells in your head popping — one by one — as you slowly lose your will to keep watching.
Me leaving the theatre a tortured, changed man.
Then, the ending swoops in to save the day, only to go down as the deus ex machina of all deus ex machinas: the actual astronaut wound up somewhere else, and is fine. So, who the hell was this bozo? Was he even real? Was he someone else? Did he come back with the astronaut and the latter just didn’t know it? I wouldn’t dare waste another second worrying about all of that. All I know is that Monster a Go-Go! is dreadful. It’s painstakingly dull, its dialogue is elementary, the plot could not be any less interesting, and each plot point takes either an eternity to complete, or we don’t even see it. All of this boils up to a finale that makes zero sense or warrants any form of appreciation. Not a single second is even entertaining for the wrong reasons. If there was ever a worst horror I’ve ever seen, this is probably it. The biggest scare I got coming out of this thing was realizing I had such little self respect that I even watched it.
Now, please request better films (luckily, many of you have, and those reviews are still on the way! Ten days left).
Andreas Babiolakis has a Masters degree in Film and Photography Preservation and Collections Management from Ryerson University, as well as a Bachelors degree in Cinema Studies from York University. His favourite times of year are the Criterion Collection flash sales and the annual Toronto International Film Festival.