Troll 2
Written by Andreas Babiolakis
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One of the strongest examples of so-bad-it’s-good, Troll 2 is an absolute nightmare of a joyride. Having no connection to the John Carl Buechler Troll, nor does it actually have any actual trolls in it (more like some kinds of goblins), but none of that matters when the film is this hilarious. In the internet age, bad films can develop new lives. Well, Troll 2 was most certainly the bank for internet memes and longevity for a while (lest we forget “They’re eating her! And then they’re gonna eat me! Oh my Gooooooooooooooooooood!”). The film then grew even more after the release of Best Worst Movie actually directed by one of the child stars of the film (Michael Stephenson): a retrospective look on the atrocity that is Troll 2. Yes. It is a terrible film through and through, but I’ll be damned if I said I didn’t love it. I can’t give this film a zero. I just can’t.
The fun comes from the hokey dialogue, the campiest performances, the abysmal editing, and the costumes — my God, those costumes. Troll 2 is a disaster on all fronts: a cheaply made film clearly meant to capitalize on something much better (hence the name, which, again, contains zero relevance to the other Troll film). Typically films of this nature don’t live quite as long, even within the realm of the internet, but Troll 2 almost feels intentionally bad. The poorly read lines feel like they’re perfectly timed comedically. The awful editing feels like it is tongue-in-cheek. The costumes are atrocious, but they almost feel like they possess their own life, like this humanoid fungus that wants to attack you. Much like a The Room, Troll 2 is the accidental brilliance found within the worst filmmaking practices.
Troll 2 is so bad that it is entertaining and worth seeing at least once.
At the end of the day, none of the plot here matters. The whole thing about goblins and the spells that turn people into vegetation so that these vegan monsters (yes, this is a thing) can eat them is just pure stupidity that only barely holds any of this film together. No. You’re here for the insanely wooden performances that cannot fully process the awfulness that is the screenplay. You must see the “scary” or “tense” moments that may send you howling instead. It is crucial that you live the near-pornographic presentation of this film with the last remnants of ‘80s colour schemes. I adore Troll 2. I really do. I love the abysmal-yet-magnetic performance of witch Leonore Gielgud, who actually does feel insane (but for all the wrong reasons). I’m hooked on the intended jokes that are way less funny than the serious sequences. Absolutely everything is wrong here, but that makes it all right. I can’t give this any higher than a one out of five, but I can still give it a glowing endorsement: Troll 2 is bigger than the film it failed to rip off for a reason. In this case, infamy wins.
Andreas Babiolakis has a Masters degree in Film and Photography Preservation and Collections Management from Ryerson University, as well as a Bachelors degree in Cinema Studies from York University. His favourite times of year are the Criterion Collection flash sales and the annual Toronto International Film Festival.