F9: The Fast Saga: or Why You Should Watch Smarter Movies
Written by Cameron Geiser
There will be spoilers.
Recently a friend and I went to the movie theater — a miraculous thing to experience again — to see the latest Fast and Furious movie, simply titled F9. This friend and I have seen the last few Fast and Furious movies together in the theaters, so it was somewhat of a tradition for us at this point. However, by the time we were walking out of the building, we were already debating whether or not we’d even go see the next one. While it was nice to be back at the movies, this one was painfully stupid, and mind you we were totally bought in and knew what to expect going in. That’s bad: when your core audience is disillusioned with your franchise, maybe it's time to look inward and assess?
So, this is sort of a review, but really it’s more of an attempt to point out better movies involving car chases, hitmen, spies, and action (generally speaking). But first: why was this one so subpar? For me, the film felt like it was just going through the motions of the Fast franchise, without putting a whole lot of thought into why any particular creative choice was taking place. For example, they brought Han back from the dead, but to what end? The character wasn’t exactly utilized for anything other than script structure for a MacGuffin that was part of an elaborate reworking of the series’ past. Sure, that can occasionally work with the right execution, but this film and series has done this ad nauseam over the course of the last few films. The worst example of this in F9 is with John Cena and his character, Jakob Toretto. We are asked to believe that Dom Toretto has had a brother this whole time, and never once mentioned in the eight previous films where the major theme, or rather key word, of the series is “family”.
The worst part about including John Cena and directing him in the way that his character comes off onscreen is that it's a gigantic waste of a naturally charismatic actor. John Cena is one of the most talkative and charismatic wrestler-turned-actors in recent memory, besides Dave Bautista. Cena is certainly no Dwayne Johnson, but to purposefully craft a silent and brooding role with cardboard-thin characterization seems almost criminal. Perhaps Vin Diesel wasn't too keen on having another wrestler-actor take over his franchise and caged Cena on purpose? Perhaps we'll never know, but the movie is worse off for these creative decisions.
There were a couple of beats and scenes that were entertaining and fun, but when attached to a paper-thin excuse for a story that asks a lot from the audience, I found myself asking the question “What's even the point anymore?”. Tyrese Gibson's character Roman even theorizes that they're all immortal; how else can they explain how they've survived all of these ridiculous events over the years? Speaking of ridiculous, this leads me to the meme-turned-reality portion of the movie: the series finally went to space. Too bad it seemed incredibly forced and nowhere near as fun or imaginative as it could have been. The whole sequence felt like it was there only to have that box checked for the series; move along, nothing to see here folks! The whole film is rife with overly dramatic and anchorless melodrama that amounts, ultimately, to nothing more than a waste of time when reflecting on the series as a whole. At least The Fate of The Furious attempted something different by having the villain of that film force Vin Diesel's Dom Toretto against his family, albeit with an inherent twist. The best thing I can say about F9 is that it makes me want to watch smarter movies, and you should too.
Here is a list of (about) 15 movies involving cars to watch instead of F9 (trust me on this one):
Ronin - Robert De Niro, Jean Reno, and Stellan Skarsgard must steal a briefcase with mysterious contents. One of the best car chases in recent film history!
Mad Max: Fury Road - Do I even have to say anything? Watch this immediately if you’ve missed it.
The Italian Job (1969) - Michael Caine steals Gold bars by utilizing Mini Coopers to drive through storefronts and weave through alleyways, while Benny Hill causes a traffic jam.
Drive - Slow and somber. A Hollywood stuntman moonlights as a getaway driver for some criminals.
The Driver - A neo-noir crime thriller that follows an exceptional getaway driver who must avoid the watchful eye of a dogged detective!
Baby Driver - Edgar Wright’s car chase film with a heavy influence on musical synchronization not only with the story at hand, but also the film’s lead, a young getaway driver that goes only by the moniker Baby.
Gone in 60 seconds - Nic Cage stars as a retired master car thief who must come back to the industry and steal fifty cars with his crew in one night to save his brother's life.
Death Proof - Quentin Tarantino’s slasher genre flick oozes with pulp. Kurt Russell is the Slasher villain, his weapon of choice? A heavily modified muscle car.
Duel - Steven Spielberg’s first movie. This is also a slasher style thriller where a lone driver is pursued by a menacing Semi Truck.
The French Connection - Gene Hackman and Roy Scheider are NYC detectives who chase down a heroin drug ring with an excellent car chase in the third act!
Smokey and The Bandit - This one is just for fun, Burt Reynolds smuggles beer across state lines with a sheriff played by Jackie Gleason in a high speed chase!
The Blues Brothers - 103 cars destroyed in the making of this comedy/musical — obviously, this one is a must see!
To Live and Die in L.A. - Perhaps the ultimate 1980’s action/thriller with plenty of car chases, violence, and style. R.I.P., Robert Downey Sr.
John Wick series - A Hitman’s dog is killed by some thugs, and the underworld hasn’t been the same since. Car chases, brutal fights scenes, and all in brilliant wide angles.
The Fast and The Furious (1) - Just as a reminder of how far the series has diverted from reality… and quality.
Cameron Geiser is an avid consumer of films and books about filmmakers. He'll watch any film at least once, and can usually be spotted at the annual Traverse City Film Festival in Northern Michigan. He also writes about film over at www.spacecortezwrites.com.