The 88th Golden Alfies -- Review and Winners
Written by Andreas Babiolakis
Last night saw the annual ceremony of the Golden Alfies take place at the Marmara Esma Sultan in İstanbul, Turkey. The film-based awards, hosted by comedian Bruce Vilanch this year, went as one would have expected: the Golden Alfies just love to play it safe. Eighty eight years in, nothing has changed. While Vilanch proved to be an entertaining master of ceremonies for the most part, the Golden Alfies — once deemed the more daring awards ceremony in film (in part due to their polarizing categories) — were as dull and predictable as can be. Without a single curve ball of a winner, Vilanch had some heavy lifting to do to spice things up. “Four hours where nothing happens? What is this, The Brutalist?” quipped Vilanch towards the end of the ceremony right before the Best Picture award was given (this year, the prize went to Paul Schrader’s Oh, Canada); the crowd responded more positively to Vilanch’s jab than the biggest award of the night. Ouch.
Things didn’t start off too strongly either. After a rather tasteful montage of clips of all of the nominated films, Vilanch came out to do his opening monologue when guest Michael Keaton — nominated for a lifetime achievement award for Goodrich — approached the stage to say a few words. “What a lovely evening we have ahead of us, folks,” Keaton stated before clearing his throat and proclaiming his reason for the off-the-cuff action (I’m sure that all of us believed that this was a skit at first). Keaton wanted to take us back to when Birdman won the Golden Alfie for Best Picture back in 2015, and he aimed to reflect on what the ten-year-anniversary of this occasion was like to him. “This has been a decade of fortune, and I cannot thank the Golden Alfies enough for what they’ve done for Birdman,” he continued. Vilanch followed with a bemused look on his face, but, ever the professional, he persevered as if nothing had happened. That clunky opening — one which caught every viewer off guard — set the tone for the evening, however: it was just one stumble after the other. Zendaya went up to present the award for Best Visual Effects, and — ironically — the nominee package for Best Screenplay played instead. Cameras cut to the wrong people in the audience frequently enough to be noticed. Of course the Golden Alfies ran over by roughly twenty minutes as well: as if this well-intentioned night of snafus wasn’t already long enough.
And then there was the discomfort that stemmed from People’s Choice Award Winner Karla Sofia Gascón (the recipient of the crowd-based voted prize) when she would not only proceed to be nominated as a Best Supporting Actress for Emilia Pérez (when she is clearly the lead) but would wind up losing to the charming Dua Lipa for Argylle. This proves the clear disconnection between the academy and the audience who enjoys the Golden Alfies year after year; how could the Alfie committee be so wrong and disengaged from their demographic? Win after win, it was clear that much of the Golden Alfies went to the nominees that paid their way to these wins and not who the biggest fans of the awards show deemed the worthiest; perhaps these are fans no more. From Keaton essentially hijacking the ceremony without punishment to the droning of lackluster winner after lackluster winner, the Golden Alfies were sadly a chore; this would prove to be even worse for the international viewers who had to subscribe just to watch them.
What happened to the awards that we used to know and love? Created in 1937 after founder Ali “Alfie” Demir was inspired to celebrate cinema after watching William Wyler’s Dodsworth for the first time, the former agriculturalist sold his farm to create an academy to honour film worldwide. Choosing to make the statuette a now-iconic Golden Bunny after the herd of rabbits that would frequent his crops (as if they were his first audience), Demir wanted to bring the best of cinema to the masses. When you reflect on the winners below (and, to an extent, even the nominations), it almost feels like that, eighty eight years later, Demir’s vision has all but dissipated. Here was a ceremony that was falling apart at the seams as it ran, and whose winners would be as defined in the annals of cinema as poorly-drawn scribbles on the beach that would be swept away by the incoming tide at any given second. Despite Vilanch’s best efforts and the cheer of all of the winners, this sadly was a night to forget. In case you need the reminders, here is a comprehensive list of every winner at this year’s Golden Alfies (how there can even be a next year at this rate is anyone’s guess).
List of Winners
Best Picture
Better Man
Emilia Pérez
The End
Megalopolis
Nightbitch
Oh, Canada *Winner*
The Outrun
The Piano Lesson
Saturday Night
September 5
Best Director
Emilia Pérez-Jacques Audiard
Here-Robert Zemeckis
Megalopolis-Francis Ford Coppola
Oh, Canada-Paul Schrader *Winner*
The Piano Lesson-Malcolm Washington
Best Screenplay
Emilia Pérez
Megalopolis
Nightbitch *Winner*
Oh, Canada
September 5
Best Actor
Better Man-Robbie Williams
Flight Risk-Mark Wahlberg
Megalopolis-Adam Driver *Winner*
Oh, Canada-Richard Gere
Saturday Night-Gabriel LaBelle
Best Actress
Blitz-Saoirse Ronan
Challengers-Zendaya
The End-Tilda Swinton *Winner*
The Last Showgirl-Pamela Anderson
The Outrun-Saoirse Ronan
Best Supporting Actor
A Different Man-Sebastian Stan *Winner*
The Fire Inside-Brian Tyree Henry
Megalopolis-Shia LaBeouf
Oh, Canada-Jacob Elordi
Saturday Night-J.K. Simmons
Best Supporting Actress
Argylle-Dua Lipa *Winner*
Emilia Pérez-Adriana Paz
Emilia Pérez-Karla Sofia Gascón
Emilia Pérez-Selena Gomez
Emilia Pérez-Zoe Saldaña
Best Extra
Better Man-Patricia Wilson
Emilia Pérez-François Smith
The Fire Inside-Skylar Lindt
Madame Web-Adam Scott
Saturday Night-Barbra Cantrell *Winner*
Best Documentary Feature Film
Better Man *Winner*
Da Homey
No Other Land
Sugarcane
Will & Harper
Best Original Score
Challengers
Drive-Away Dolls *Winner*
Queer
Best Visual Effects
Better Man
McDermott: The Bravest Soul *Winner*
Megalopolis
Best Makeup and Hairstyling Usage
Better Man-All Non-Apes
Here-Whatever Wasn’t CGI
Megalopolis-Shia LaBeouf’s Wig and Pubes *Winner*
Best Use of Eggs
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes-They’re Everywhere
Red One-The Rock’s Bald-Ass Head *Winner*
The Substance-Opening Shot Foreshadowing
Best Acceptance Speech
The Brutalist-Adrian Brody
Emilia Pérez-Camille
A Real Pain-Kieran Culkin *Winner*
Nicest Marmot
Kinds of Kindness
Nightbitch
Oh, Canada *Winner*
Best Film That Actually Came Out In 2023, Believe It or Not
Anyone But You
Beau is Afraid *Winner*
Finestkind
Infinity Pool
Lee
Lifetime Achievement Award
Megalopolis-Talia Shire
Goodrich-Michael Keaton
Oh, Canada-Richard Gere
Thelma-June Squibb
Y2K-Julian Dennison *Winner*
Best Use of AI
The Brutalist-Fixing Accents
Dune: Part Two-Blue Eyes
Emilia Pérez-Pitch Shifting
Here-Everything
Saturday Night-Andy Kaufman and Jim Henson Clearly Being Played By Two Different People *Winner*
Best Use of a Dick
The Brutalist-Adrian Brody’s Hopefully Fake Member
Megalopolis-Jon Voight’s Boner
Megalopolis-Jon Voight Himself *Winner*
Andreas Babiolakis has a Masters degree in Film and Photography Preservation and Collections Management from Ryerson University, as well as a Bachelors degree in Cinema Studies from York University. His favourite times of year are the Criterion Collection flash sales and the annual Toronto International Film Festival.