Written by Andreas Babiolakis

I’m like the rest of you Academy Award viewers that participate in the Oscars Death Race every single year; the only difference is I am stupid enough to try reviewing and ranking every single nominee and their respective films, so I can’t use the day of the Oscars as a deadline (it’s a lot of pressure I put on myself, but it’s the kind of stress that builds character, so says Calvin’s father). I was fortunate enough to see Tell It Like a Woman before it was available to view on demand, and now I can discuss this film with the rest of you. We’re all here because Diane Warren was nominated once again for Best Original Song, and I think we need to conduct an investigation into the Academy and its acts of sadism (seriously: how many times can Warren be nominated and not given an award outside of her eventual lifetime achievement trophy she just earned? It’s kind of monstrous-feeling at this point). Now the world is seeing this film that didn’t even feel real when it was nominated: who has seen Tell It Like a Woman? Where was it even shown? I didn’t even believe it existed until I watched a review copy.

I don’t want to go too into it, but I was conflicted as to what I should even rate Tell It Like a Woman. The version I saw was almost finished but not quite, and even that felt like enough of a reason to forgo giving it a rating at all. Now that it’s out there, I see that there wasn’t much that was different between what I watched and what was finally released. It’s quit clear that Tell It Like a Woman is a great idea that didn’t quite click and was rushed out even more quickly to meet Diane Warren’s nomination and Academy guidelines. The premise is that seven female filmmakers from around the world directed their own short stories about the female experience, whether it’s a short film about being a mother or a woman struggling with addiction (and so forth). The shorts play like exactly this: a series of shorts that are paraded out one by one. Warren’s original song, “Applause”, pops up a few times and in different styles, and I do think this is a neat take on how a song can be used in a film; besides, it’s the only thing that ties these shorts together. I mean it’s entirely the only thing that makes Tell It Like a Woman feel like a unified film experience.

Each and every short carries its own best intentions, ranging from the very first film (where Jennifer Hudson plays dual roles, including Kim Carter, in a story about a woman being released from prison and anticipating what comes next) to an animated, abstract interlude. I don’t think any of the shorts are particularly strong, but they do range from decent to subpar. Again, even when looking at what was released and not from the version of Tell It Like a Woman I saw, this release feels incomplete and hurried. Judging by the dates of production and this peculiar release, one can tell that Tell It Like a Woman was just not meshing in the editing room at all, and it is a shame because I can only sense what this felt like: to see such an honest idea have its individual parts just clash and never truly mix, as if they were water and oil. Because each short was created to be a portion of this celebratory whole, they don’t feel self sufficient enough to stand on their own. They feel like one or two statements each being sewn together under an umbrella film title. It doesn’t work as a film, but because these segments are built solely for this reason (of which it doesn’t succeed), it also barely passes as a curated short film marathon (they don’t really thrive as individuals either).

It brings me no joy to give Tell It Like a Woman such a low score, because I sincerely feel like this is the end result of a number of executive decisions to try and get a struggling project out to the masses in slapdash fashion because of this recent Oscar nomination; the second Diane Warren’s name was announced, a huge, red deadline was flashing above those hitting brick walls trying to get Tell It Like a Woman finished properly. Everything is done with the utmost earnest care here, and even the end result was because of a dilemma: the film had to get out as to not disqualify Diane Warren. This film is actually Academy Award nominated: there was something to celebrate, and it would be good for a production that just wasn’t reaching the finish line. Should the nomination have been revoked, there goes that reason to cheer. Tell It Like a Woman is meant to be an empowering experience as well: a means to honour and cherish women in a world that has not treated them properly for far too long. So, this film had to be finished. I’m not quite sure what the end result on paper looked like, but this clearly isn’t it, and it’s actually kind of saddening that this film — which was meant to inspire and console — is going to be remembered as an underdeveloped Oscar nominee that is difficult to remember outside of this primary concern.

Andreas Babiolakis has a Masters degree in Film and Photography Preservation and Collections Management from Toronto Metropolitan University, as well as a Bachelors degree in Cinema Studies from York University. His favourite times of year are the Criterion Collection flash sales and the annual Toronto International Film Festival.